Low Self Esteem: Signs, Causes, and How to Build Confidence
Written by Sarah Stanger, PhD
Clinical Psychologist & Co-Founder at Prospera
What Is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself. When you have healthy self-esteem, you tend to think positively about yourself, and optimistically about life in general.
When you have low self-esteem, you tend to see yourself, the world, and your future more negatively and critically. Low self-esteem can be general, meaning that it applies to all domains in a person’s life, or it can be specific to certain situations.
Some specific areas where people have low self-esteem include:
- Parenthood
- Work
- Relationships (romantic, platonic, or familial)
- School
- Hobbies or interests (such as music, sports, art, etc.)
- Body image
What Causes Low Self-Esteem?
There are a variety of factors that can lead a person to develop low self-esteem.
Many people cite their childhood experiences, particularly in adolescence, as the beginning of the decline of their self-image. Common experiences that may contribute are: being bullied, being frequently criticized by your parents/family, being criticized by your teachers, being neglected or abused, and accessing media that pressures you to look or act a certain way.
Others do not develop low self-esteem until later in life. Stressful/traumatic environments and life events can cause a previously confident person to develop issues with their self-image. Possible events that can trigger a decline are abusive relationships, serious illness, divorce/breakups, a negative work environment, loss of a loved one, body changes, and stress from school.
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How Does Low Self-Esteem Impact My Health?
If unaddressed, low self-esteem can lead to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, substance abuse, anger management problems, and other serious mental health issues. It is important that you talk to a doctor if you begin to experience any of these as a result of your self-esteem issues.
What Can I Do To Improve My Self-Esteem?
Once you develop low self-esteem you may tend to perpetuate it by constantly belittling yourself, holding yourself to an unrealistic standard, and ignoring your positive qualities. Breaking out of this cycle is very difficult once it begins, but it is possible with the right support and tools.
The first step to improving your self-image is bringing awareness to how your thoughts and behaviors are impacted by your low self-esteem.
- What self-critical thoughts come up the most frequently?
- What do you do in response to these thoughts?
- In what situations do you find these thoughts to be the most prevalent?
Reflecting on these questions can help you gain more insight into yourself and your current level of self-esteem. Here are some examples of thoughts/behaviors that may resonate with you.
Common thoughts for those with low self-esteem include:
- “No one likes me”
- “I’m a bad person.”
- “I’m so stupid.”
- “I look terrible.”
- “I never do anything right.”
- “I don’t deserve anything good.”
Common behaviors for those with self-esteem include:
- Being a “people pleaser”
- Avoiding challenges
- Trying to be perfect
- Excessive apologizing for things that normally do not warrant apologies
- Inability to be assertive
- Making self-deprecating jokes a lot
- Blaming yourself when things go wrong
- Not accepting compliments
- Focusing on your mistakes and ignoring your achievements
- Seeking validation from outside sources in order to feel better about yourself
You can improve your self-esteem by challenging these thoughts and behaviors with a therapist, coach, or other mental health experts.
At Prospera, we use mental health coaches who are trained in cognitive behavioral tools. Our coaches help you combat these unhelpful thoughts and unhealthy behaviors by providing you with tools and support. You will work to identify what situations make you feel self-conscious, what you think in these situations, and what you do in response.
About Prospera:
Prospera is a mental health platform for fertility, pregnancy, and postpartum. We combine personalized 1-on-1 support with evidence-based coping tools to help women navigate anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, identity changes, and the many other emotional challenges that can arise during the motherhood journey.
Our programs were developed by clinical psychologists Drs. Andrea Niles and Sarah Stanger and are grounded in evidence-based approaches, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
Need more support? Book a free consultation to learn more about Prospera and how we can help.
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