Postpartum Rage: Symptoms, Causes & How to Cope

What can I do to manage my postpartum rage?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can provide the tools you need to gain control of this intense emotion. The first step in learning how to cope with your rage and the outbursts that might follow is to notice when the rage is most likely to occur - we call this spotting rage triggers. It often feels like rage comes out of nowhere, yet if we start to take a closer look we can find warning signs that will help us intervene before the rage intensifies.

Spotting rage triggers involves noticing common patterns in the specific situations that seem to produce rage, as well as other factors that might make the rage worse, like being extremely tired, running late, or being hungry. You’ll also start to notice the early warning signs of rage, such as tensing your jaw or shoulders. At Prospera, mental health coaches will guide you through digital tools that will help you build this awareness. Just by recognizing your rage triggers, you may begin to feel more in control of your rage. 

Once you know what situations are most likely to trigger your rage (and your warning signs that precede the rage), you are ready to work on rage counter behaviors! Rage counter behaviors are strategies to interrupt the feeling of rage before it boils over. Examples include:

• removing yourself from the situation (put your child in a safe place and leave the room, ask your partner or family member to take over)
• delaying your response (ask for time to process and return to the conversation later) 
• doing an alternative, distracting activity (counting, laundry, shower, going outside)
• changing how you are thinking about the situation (notice thinking traps, accepting what you do not have control over)

An additional counter behavior is to develop a go-to relaxation strategy to dampen your emotional response when you notice a rage trigger. These relaxation techniques require practice when you are not angry - think of these tools as skills that need lots of repetition before you are able to flexibly use them on the fly in high-stress moments. Relaxation options include:

• mindful deep breathing
• slowly repeating a calming word or phrase
• picturing a specific relaxing image or setting
• focusing on muscle tension and systematically releasing the tension

All of these rage counter behaviors may seem really difficult to implement in the moment (especially with a baby!) - this is where Prospera and our mental health coaches come in. They are available to problem solve counter behaviors that will work for you, even in chaotic and overwhelming situations. 

Given the importance of sleep as a risk factor for experiencing rage, focusing on sleep is another important strategy. If your baby is waking frequently at night, try trading shifts with a partner to try to maximize the number of hours in a row you are able to sleep. Make sure that you have realistic sleep expectations for your baby by consulting with your pediatrician. If you struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep even if your child is sleeping, talk to your provider or mental health coach about CBT tools for insomnia. 

Finally, sometimes developing additional skills can help us gain the confidence we need in our ability to handle emotionally intense situations. For example, learning effective communication strategies to improve interactions with your partner, or learning new, evidence-based parenting strategies to deal with an oppositional child can indirectly help to reduce your instances of rage.  You can talk to your provider or mental health coach about getting additional support in these areas.